By Design
Before having children I had lots of plans. I just knew I was going to be this homeschooling hippy mother of 4 or 5 or 6. I'd likely be barefoot more often than not, tending my garden and feeding my cute little brown chickens. We would homeschool and I would be crafty and make kombucha from scratch. I would not work, because who has time for work with children and gardens and cute little brown chickens?
Then God laughed at me. Bless my heart.
Fast forward 8 years later.
I tried to garden but, like, eww, bugs. Also, my plants died. Every single one of them.
And you know, I rather like wearing shoes. And socks for that matter.
And I'm kinda afraid to get chickens because, eww, bugs.
And... just...have you ever tasted kombucha? I mean, really. I'm all for health and stuff. But I shall just stick to broccoli and apples, thank you all the healthy things.
I DO happen to be homeschooling at the moment, but crafts are mostly non existent (unless you count the time my innovative children tried to make a toilet completely out of construction paper. They're going places, these kids of mine).
And I work part time and I only have three kids and the littlest one keeps escaping from me and sending me into deep levels of panic so we might be done with three because if we have four I'm afraid I will lose one. **deep breaths**
So. Here's the deal. I have come to grips that there are a lot of things that I am. There are also many, many things that I am not. And... that's ok. That being said, every time I see a beautiful pinterested herb garden, or freshly plucked eggs from a friend's cute little coop, or my artsy mom-friends whose toddlers are painting life-sized murals in the kitchen (you know who you are, you crazy people), I feel this pang of guilt, like I am just not doing enough and I must be all things to all people always. When I let those thoughts start taking place in my head, I stop being able to be anything to anyone. I become a crappy version of myself, unable to function even in the most basic of levels.
A few years ago we were going through a challenging season with one of my highly emotionally driven children. I was laying in bed lamenting to The Lord, asking him why on earth he chose us to parent this child, because clearly I had no idea what I was doing and obviously my children were going to end up in the state penitentiary and, GOD, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? I am failing this child and it is all my fault.
Then God spoke. It was one of the most clear words I have ever had in my life. And this is what he said:
"Stop talking! Don't say another word! I gave this child to you, because I have equipped you and only you to be his/her parents. Not your friend down the street, not those other parents you think so highly of, not your other family members. YOU. You are equipped, you have wisdom and you are designed and created to lead, cherish and direct the small ones I've designed and created and placed in your care. YOU ARE ALL MINE and your family is BY MY DESIGN. Just as you are. No more, no less."
Friends, I've never looked at parenting my wee ones the same again. Because on any given day I would rather be the best version of myself as I am created to be, and be the best version of our family just as we are, than a counterfeit copy of someone else.
No matter what your parenting life looks like, whether working or stay at home, 1 child or 10, adopted or home grown, kombuchagagging drinking or not, be ok with it. Figure out who God has created you to be and move forward in your family with intention and confidence, knowing your family formed is by design and with a purpose! Unless your children attempt to make toilets out of construction paper. Then... I just... God speed and good luck!
Then God laughed at me. Bless my heart.
Fast forward 8 years later.
I tried to garden but, like, eww, bugs. Also, my plants died. Every single one of them.
And you know, I rather like wearing shoes. And socks for that matter.
And I'm kinda afraid to get chickens because, eww, bugs.
And... just...have you ever tasted kombucha? I mean, really. I'm all for health and stuff. But I shall just stick to broccoli and apples, thank you all the healthy things.
I DO happen to be homeschooling at the moment, but crafts are mostly non existent (unless you count the time my innovative children tried to make a toilet completely out of construction paper. They're going places, these kids of mine).
And I work part time and I only have three kids and the littlest one keeps escaping from me and sending me into deep levels of panic so we might be done with three because if we have four I'm afraid I will lose one. **deep breaths**
So. Here's the deal. I have come to grips that there are a lot of things that I am. There are also many, many things that I am not. And... that's ok. That being said, every time I see a beautiful pinterested herb garden, or freshly plucked eggs from a friend's cute little coop, or my artsy mom-friends whose toddlers are painting life-sized murals in the kitchen (you know who you are, you crazy people), I feel this pang of guilt, like I am just not doing enough and I must be all things to all people always. When I let those thoughts start taking place in my head, I stop being able to be anything to anyone. I become a crappy version of myself, unable to function even in the most basic of levels.
A few years ago we were going through a challenging season with one of my highly emotionally driven children. I was laying in bed lamenting to The Lord, asking him why on earth he chose us to parent this child, because clearly I had no idea what I was doing and obviously my children were going to end up in the state penitentiary and, GOD, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? I am failing this child and it is all my fault.
Then God spoke. It was one of the most clear words I have ever had in my life. And this is what he said:
"Stop talking! Don't say another word! I gave this child to you, because I have equipped you and only you to be his/her parents. Not your friend down the street, not those other parents you think so highly of, not your other family members. YOU. You are equipped, you have wisdom and you are designed and created to lead, cherish and direct the small ones I've designed and created and placed in your care. YOU ARE ALL MINE and your family is BY MY DESIGN. Just as you are. No more, no less."
Friends, I've never looked at parenting my wee ones the same again. Because on any given day I would rather be the best version of myself as I am created to be, and be the best version of our family just as we are, than a counterfeit copy of someone else.
No matter what your parenting life looks like, whether working or stay at home, 1 child or 10, adopted or home grown, kombucha
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