Failing Perfection

Our approach to Halloween is a bit non-traditional. We generally don't trick-or-treat, but instead dress up and make a family event out of handing out candy. This mostly stems from our general approach of making holidays others-focused as much as possible. Sometimes this perspective means we handle holidays differently than what is considered typical, and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes I feel confident in our approach, but more often second guess myself. More than most days, Halloween is one I generally feel most insecure about. Am I scarring them for life because they don't trick or treat? Should we not be handing out candy? Should we be handing out more candy? What would Jesus do? Does Jesus even care? Does what we do for Halloween have any affect on their life viewpoint anyway? Or am I driving myself crazy for naught?

And so today arrived... This Halloween was flying under the radar because Reagan was scheduled to work (sometimes that still sounds weird). We were getting ready to leave the house to run some errands this morning and I could tell the kids were up to something. I went to check on them and discovered all three (they had dressed up Colson) were decked out in costumes and the two older ones had pooled their candy together. They triumpantly announced that they were going to hand out candy everywhere we went and wish people well in their day. I was a bit skeptical, but let them to their devices. Sure enough, once we arrived at Darrenkamps, off they went, offering candy to elderly people, small kids, those with handicaps, employees... it didn't matter. Most people assumed they were carrying baskets of candy in hopes of getting more, and it was delightful to watch people's mouths drop open when they realized these two little children were trying to give candy to them. I can honestly say it was one of my proudest parenting moments ever. An employee saw what they were doing and brought some candy over to them for themselves. After she walked away, the kids looked at each other, giggled, and Reagan exclaimed, "This is so awesome! We now have more we can give away!" Truly, I almost openly wept in the middle of the store.

These kids... they never cease to surprise me. I woke up today feeling a bit grumpy and filled with self doubt (which, if I am honest, is a really a form of self-focus, too). I find myself so often trying to instill in them an open-handed approach at life, hoping to steer their focus away from themselves. This is an uphill battle since I am so often trying to figure out how to live that way myself. I regularly feel like I have to be a perfect model of what I expect them to be, and more often than not fail this pursuit of perfection and therefore feel as though I am failing them. But today, if nothing else, was a reminder that we can be used in spite of our shortcomings... and especially when it comes to parenting. Why is it that I although I may be trying to teach my children, I am repeatedly the one learning the biggest lessons?

Oh, and lest you think our life is filled with rainbows and unicorns of perfected parenting, the rest of our day was punctuated with a fair amount of bickering, grumpy moments, and a few toddler-tantrums sprinkled in to round it out. After all, I suppose there is no such thing as perfection.